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Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microsoft' title='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microsoft' />But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record 9 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9. Tavon Austins total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up and coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less Your coach Dirk Koetter. Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks But Ive been doing it for 3. I dont think Im going to forget how. Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below. So its not that youve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this seasons designated Hard Knocks victim. Lets see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS weve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, its like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback Congratulations, Jameis Winston Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a leader who absorbs the playbook like a sponge and routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameiss uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, its like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this seasons Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while its mating Technically, thats ALSO sexual assault. Watch Return Of Bruce Online MicrophoneAnd here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine or mature fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5. Thats right. Its Harvard Man, in the flesh I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. ECAAD400000578-0-image-m-130_1496097530659.jpg' alt='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microscope' title='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microscope' />
This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Oh, nothing coach. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place FARTS Whats new that sucks AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER. Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick FolkPriceless. Thats what you get for FSU ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom. GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long. Im owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didnt work out. I dont know what else to say. Bold isnt the word Id use there, amigo. And then it was time for Bruce to make one more Jersey Jump on stage, for a nearly nineminute performance of Take it Easy into Our Lady of the Well, justr as it. Tonight is the twopart finale of Twin Peaks The Return, the beginning of the end of a promise that began with the words of Laura Palmer over two decades ago I. The phrase guilty pleasure has long outlived its usefulness. If you really like a song or a movie or a TV show, no matter how cheesy the conventional. Headlines from the network and other sources, as well as downloads of trailers and clips. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De. Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. A587900000578-4710470-image-m-2_1500481500426.jpg' alt='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microbiology' title='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Microbiology' />Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. Watch Monolith Online Hulu there. Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the teams ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahans playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five figure club tab. What has always sucked Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this sites former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area. The Bucs stadium isnt even the most popular building on its block that honor goes to Mons Venus. Theres a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. Thats 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. Im surprised they dont blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. Its the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. JuneYAOM.jpg' alt='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Mic' title='Watch Return Of Bruce Online Mic' />Grigor Dimitrov and Nick Kyrgios are two of the most watchable players on tour, with sure feel and shotmaking for days. They may also be the two players with the. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasnt been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a 1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck Theyre good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANSÂ Matthew Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph In two season Jameis will be the Bucs alltime leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, I get why thisteam blows. But Im starting to think thats misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. Its a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all. Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. Its not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but its not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation. The Year in Pop. Watch. The phrase guilty pleasure has long outlived its usefulness. If you really like a song or a movie or a TV show, no matter how cheesy the conventional wisdom says it is, you should feel free to say so without guilt, and to defend your appreciation vigorously. Thats one reason why I and, judging by the number of comments, you as well enjoy reading Mandi Bierlys Pop. Watch Confessional columns. They get at how important entertainment really is in our lives, and they open the emotional floodgates for readers by reminding you of things youd forgotten you loved. It was this sort of writing passionate discussion of things individual writers cared deeply about that marked the best of Pop. Watch for me in 2. Whether or not you shared Michael Slezaks enthusiasm for Fergie, or his appalled feelings over The Bachelor, you had to enjoy his writing about those subjects, maybe more than the subjects themselves. Same for Annie Barrett on The O. C. and reality TV, or Adam Vary on American Idol tapings and Transformers toys, or Simon Vozick Levinson on hip hop, or Chris Willman on country music and Bruce Springsteen, or Marc Bernardin on sci fi, or Whitney Pastorek on music festivals and indie film, or Ken Tucker on Friday Night Lights, and too many others to name. Looking back on my own writing this year, I found myself writing far too many obituaries we lost too many talented people in 2. I also found they led to some of my most passionate, and most warmly received items. Credit here properly belongs to those who inspired me. I also got worked up writing about such issues as free expression, the hijacking of pop culture for partisan political purposes, and the war on film critics, all of which are, of course, linked. That these continue to be issues of contention saddens me, and itspartly our fault as critics and journalists for not doing a better jobof explaining what the stakes are. Thats why I am so grateful to havebeen part of Pop. Watch in 2. 00. 7, to have a forum to raise such issues andstart a conversation. So while I want to thank all the writers,editors, photo mavens, tech wizards, interns, and celebrity guest bloggerswho helped put together Pop. Watch in 2. 00. 7, I especially want to thankyou, the readers, for your lively, intelligent, and civil commentary. We posted nearly 2,5. That kind of response is incrediblygratifying to us, whether or not you agreed with what we wrote, becausewe relish our ongoing conversation with you. Hope youll continue tocomment as fervently in 2. Look forward to hearing from you.